NERD is a Complete Sentence.
A life lesson for silly gooses, courtesy of Oxford University
I have said for years that NO is a complete sentence. This is fairly radical advice as women are taught two major things in life:
Your job is to be useful to others :)
If you can’t be useful, your must apologize for the rest of your life :))))
Once upon a time, useful was maybe more narrowly defined. She can birth. She can birth and tend goats. Women did a lot back in the day. But nowhere near what we do now.
Sure, we have tools of ease like washing machines and air fryers to make our duties faster, but not fewer.
If anything, all this extra air fryer-related time we’ve freed up MUST be poured back into something else. Someone else. Anyone else. Everyone else.
A 5 a.m. airport run so your neighbor can save $25 on a Uber? Why of course. Work through lunch so your boss can make his bonus? No prob. Hours on Canva creating perfect bachelorette favors? You will go to hell if you don’t! :)))
The other path is to become a fallen woman, gripped by the demon of self-preservation. If you say no to these things, you probably spend more time stressing about the lie you’ll tell to get out of it than you would just doing the damn thing. And so you just…do the damn thing.
:((((
In this post, I tried to talk you out of the crazy tap dance and learn to just say no. No is a complete sentence. It doesn’t have to be rude at all, but it does have to be short. No groveling text wall apology, no self-flagellating promises to make it up to them no matter what.
Just…no. And let the chips fall where they may. I also did my best to underscore another wild concept: YAY is a complete sentence.
You don’t need to justify why you’re excited, proud, or braggy about your own life that you work hard to craft. Post that photo. Share that promotion. Gush about that boyfriend. And pay very close attention to people who shame you for being happy…
Well today I am adding to our lexicon: NERD is a complete sentence.
“I just don’t get why you’re at Oxford if it doesn’t make you money?”
A friend said this to me recently with a tone that made it very clear I was expected to have a satisfactory answer. And, as I looked around my dorm room—twin bed, mini fridge, carpet that hadn’t been cleaned since Oliver Cromwell—I got her point.
“Because I’m…nerding out,” I shrugged.
“OK, but how does that make money?”
She’s a finance girlie and the idea of holing up in a library to read Lord Byron’s letters or flash-write a scene around the words “doorway, boldly, gaze” seemed about as useful as a finger painting retreat.
I almost went into grandiose detail about how this will help me write my next book, hopefully two books, and ostensibly that converts to dollars! But something stopped me.
“Nerding is its own reward for me,” was all I said. “It just is.”
Hustle culture is a great thing, it is. Women like us are put on this earth to leave our mark, and what a blessing that we live in an age where it’s encouraged and possible. From Etsy to Upwork to OnlyFans, we have so many outlets to monetize things we’re good at and enjoy, why not take advantage?
But remember being a kid and doing things just because you liked to? You weren’t selling those little fabric dolls. Or pitching the song you wrote about your cocker spaniel to Taylor Swift’s record label. You did it for the love of the game.
That sums up why we romanticize childhood: we did things just because. The doing, not the earning, performing, or converting, was the reward.
Pulling on a thread of curiosity doesn’t have to lead to a publicly traded company. It has to lead to JOY. Or just scratching an itch to try something new. You can give it up whenever. It’s fine, I promise.
When my friend pressed me about why exactly Oxford felt necessary, I think I was able to divert away from the female spectacle of justification because I’ve gotten into the habit of not explaining myself, whether it’s no, yay, or nerd.
It’s the FUCK EM mentality.
It would be great if everyone around us understood and approved of the things we do. But if they don’t? Hey man, whatever. Validation from others feels nice. But validation from ourselves feels like cocaine—don’t ask how I know that—and I mean that in a good way. Don’t do drugs, be drugs. Be high on following your own nose, on your own path.
Because when you see how intoxicating your own love feels, the (unattainable) gold star of martyrdom won’t look so shiny and alluring. You’ll stop justifying and fighting altogether. Shrugging off the judgements of others will become second nature.
And that’s the real flex—not the Oxford degree, not the book deal, not the life that looks good in photos. The real flex is moving through the world with your own “because I said so” energy…and knowing that’s more than enough.
Want more intel and advice from my time here at Oxford? I’ve got a brand new hour-long Writing 101 video exclusively in The Shallontourage—plus 5 deep dive videos a week, my Evil Week courses, and 30+ group chats with alpha females all over the world—join now and get your first week free! XO, S
With all that's known about the benefits of "unstructured" play time and alone time, more so in childhood but neural plasticity is actually lifelong, giving yourself the space to nerd out, zone out on a "pointless" activity or hobby, is like a gift that keeps on giving. The gifts are fresh perspectives, seriously upgraded creativity, and a clearer mind. These are force multipliers that can propel you in other areas of your life that are probably more transactional. This is not to reinforce that there needs to be a reward for doing things you like (there obviously does not!)... But don't think there isn't one either.
Another 10/10!! Your posts are my cocaine xx