“Welcome to Bozeman, folks.”
I cried when the pilot said it. I felt like it was my birthday—not a birthday as I know them now, fraught with too much wine and too many thoughts and too little cake—but an actual day of being born. Because I did feel reborn: I had managed to leave behind New York City and the only life I’d ever known as an adult, and change absolutely every aspect of how I lived.
Apartment? —> house
Boyfriend? —> single
Subway? —> horse
Friends? —> me and my endless thoughts
“What an adventure! I hope you’re writing all of this down,” my friends all said. OH OF COURSE I AM, I lied. It just felt too worn out with all my other content that to create even more was just…ugh. Exhausting.
But I started to get exhausted by trying to simply, willfully remember everything I was experiencing. I can’t. Maybe I’m old, maybe I’m ADD but I can’t just Good Will Hunting photo memory everything.
This is an unflinching look into my heart and mind as I navigate a new city, a new life chapter and…all my same old demons. It won’t always be funny or wise or pretty (but sometimes!) but it will be honest.
Being honest about my feelings is hard given what I do for a living—I’m supposed to have all the answers! If I say I don’t, why would anyone listen to me?
But, when I think about my best friends, it’s never their perfection I’m drawn to. It’s their realness and authenticity. And I consider all you guys my friends too—I really do.
The Shallontourage has helped encourage me to make this leap, given me the accountability of not going back to certain people (…) and made me feel connected to something larger than myself, larger than fear and loneliness. To a sisterhood.
So, I hope you like it here. In a way, this is more raw and real than I get with my IRL friends, because sometimes being that open can feel embarrassing. Somehow it’s easier to say “Today I’m scared and feel like a loser” to the Internet than to someone sitting next to you.
But, don’t worry, it won’t be all emo diary entries. I’ll also be sprinkling in some humor in the form of my Can U Not? rants about everything from the Real Housewives to Target pajamas.
I’ll be posting several times a week, sign up now so you don’t miss the first installment!
Later Shalligators ❤️
XO, S
In the meantime, tell your friends!